Saturday, March 12, 2016

Home Trainin' Is What I Call It!

HOME SCHOOLED in many ways.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My father taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My father taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"

13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My father taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

This is just proof, that YES, I was and still am an Angel....even though I do not use that moniker.  And parents started me on the music thing early...God Bless them!  Mom enjoyed sewing..she always made our costumes, and a lot of mine and my sisters clothes.  

It was pretty funny though when she made matching polyester suits for my Dad and brother...with belts made of the same polyester...LMAO...they were the gosh awful ugliest things I ever did see....but they wore those darn things...YES they did....or the consequences would have been FIERCE! 

Good Memories!

p.s.  My Grandpa...Dad's Dad, gave us all nicknames....mine was my delight....was Wimpy....Oh hell yeah, I used it every chance I got, and shared it with the occasional girlfriend as we got older!  (That of course could explain why he would shoot be in the butt cheek with his BB Gun. hmm?) My little sister was LoveBug,  but I called her Bubbles.  Every now and again I will throw a Wimpy in the air....see if it sticks...lmao!  


Granny said...

Hey there Miss Lisa,
Loved the school lessons. How true, at some point in my childhood my parents used every one of those.

Lisa Lane said...

Hello there Granny, I know I did! Glad to have you back. : )

drjim said...

Sweet memories!

Chickenmom said...

Made me laugh! Kids now-a-days need to hear them. Nothing was worse than "Sit on the stoop and wait for your Father to come home." Shudder.....

Lisa Lane said...

I agree Chickenmom! I would have rather had two of Mom's to one of Dad's...anyday!!